


Lucidity

by ShadeOfTyranny



Category: The Caligula Effect (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Self-Indulgent, Spoilers for Caligula Effect: Overdose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:33:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25392406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadeOfTyranny/pseuds/ShadeOfTyranny
Summary: Lucidity: the quality of being able to think clearly; the quality of expressing something clearly.orThe President of the Go-Home Club made a choice, when Thorn made her offer. The longer that they continued to make that choice, the more they realized the truth of their own reason for being in Mobius.
Kudos: 13





	Lucidity

_ one; Intro _

When the president of the Go-Home Club was approached by Thorn and offered a position in the Ostinato Musicians, they probably should have just said no.

Already, they had faced two of the Musicians, Kagi-P and Sweet-P, with the former even joining the Go-Home Club. There was no real reason for the president to join the Musicians, even as an attempt to gather information for the Go-Home Club, when they had already dedicated themselves to the cause of escaping Mobius.

But… their very role in the Go-Home Club was uncomfortable. The very thing that had brought them to Mobius was a desire to escape having to make decisions, to escape taking responsibility for things that might go wrong, to escape the pressure of having to decide their own fate. Being made President? They had never asked for that. Why didn't Shogo stay as president? Why couldn't Kotaro be the president, regardless of how poor a job he'd do? Why did they have to be forced into that role just because everyone else wanted them to be?

But they had accepted, because that's what everyone wanted. No one wanted to hear that the person they wanted as president didn't want the role. The Go-Home Club had made their decision, and so the new president had gone along with it.

When the offer from Thorn was made, they told themselves that they were joining the Ostinato Musicians to get a better understanding of the people who would fight so fervently for a fake world. If they wanted to defeat the Musicians with the Go-Home Club and get back to reality, understanding the Musicians would help with that. Maybe they could even find out why μ refused to let anyone leave, and convince her otherwise.

They didn't acknowledge the truth; that joining a group where they could follow and not be followed was an appealing thought, that they didn't fully understand the appeal of returning to a reality where horrific unending responsibility awaited, that being a Musician could be something of an escape from being a President.

* * *

_ two; Prechorus _

They thought that brainwashing the inhabitants of Mobius would be a horrifying activity. Stealing away the free will of the very people that they had awoken as President of the Go-Home Club should have disgusted them, been something that turned them decisively against the Ostinato Musicians and convinced them that the Go-Home Club was doing the right thing.

For some reason, all they could feel was a small note of jealousy towards the 'laggards' that they were hunting alongside Sweet-P and Stork.

It was all too easy for them to slip into the role of Lucid, taking out and forcibly returning people to their controlled states thinking of nothing more than μ. It struck them that this was probably because, regardless of who they were fighting… it didn't  _ mean _ anything to them. Saving Digiheads, hunting Laggards, it was all just meaningless work that they were told to do. The only difference was that the Go-Home Club expected their President to care just as much about saving people as they did, while Thorn simply ordered Lucid to go hunting.

Both were simply roles to be played, a matter of wearing the right mask to please those around them.

When Ayana attacked Sweet-P, it was natural for them to step in. After all, they were currently Lucid, the newest Ostinato Musician; other Musicians were their allies, and the Go-Home Club members were enemies.

It was as simple as that, they told themselves, even as they faced Ayana and Mifue in battle, cleanly beating them down and sending them running.

Thorn had ordered them to hunt laggards and fight against the Go-Home Club as Lucid.

And that's what they would do.

* * *

_ three; Chorus _

It should have worried them that the Go-Home Club and the Ostinato Musicians felt the same to them.

They both had different goals currently, of course, but…

As the President of the Go-Home Club, they fought to leave Mobius, and helped the club with their issues. The president would listen to the club members' problems, be sympathetic and understanding of it all, and aid them in finding a way to deal with it.

As Lucid of the Ostinato Musicians, they fought to maintain Mobius, and helped the Musicians with their issues. Lucid would listen to the other Musicians' problems, be sympathetic and understanding of it all, and aid them in finding a way to deal with it.

It was all the same. Masks upon masks, pretending to mirror and sympathize with the emotions of others, being kind or harsh or supportive depending on what the other person needed. There was only one exception with Biwasaka, because more people wanted help getting rid of Biwasaka, and the man in question didn't really want the President's help. So they ran him off, making more people happy.

It was… just like reality. Wasn't Mobius supposed to be an escape? Where was the temptation of this world, where was  _ their _ wish to be granted? Of course, as the President of the Go-Home Club, they wouldn't be able to accept it, but as a Musician, wasn't the point to fight to maintain a world where their wish would be granted-?

_ "Lucid." _

Ah, that was right. Their wish was being granted, in a way. Lucid was an Ostinato Musician. Even if they felt pressured to help their fellow Musicians, even if wearing a separate mask for each one was exhausting, their true role as Lucid was simple, easy:

Obey Thorn.

Unlike the Go-Home Club, Lucid wasn't in charge of the Ostinato Musicians, as much as they were favored for their strength and other capabilities. Thorn gave Lucid orders, Lucid obeyed the orders, and that was it. There was no expectation that Lucid make decisions, and Thorn didn't seem to have any expectations for Lucid either; she knew that Lucid was playing double agent, and that she didn't truly have their sole loyalty. Thorn didn't seem to care that Lucid didn't have a good reason for fighting as a Musician, as long as they followed orders.

Lucid imagined that the other Ostinato Musicians would be confused and maybe even disturbed if they knew that Lucid had no actual reason to fight for the Musicians, that Lucid didn't really  _ care _ about Mobius all that much. (Although given that most of them seemed to be willing to return to reality, maybe they wouldn't care so much? Lucid wasn't sure, for all that they were able to read other people and figure out what response was truly desired.) They knew that the Go-Home Club would be angry and horrified at the knowledge, even if it was just the knowledge about Lucid or the President and not the truth of their traitorous nature.

Lucid felt like helping everyone from both sides come to terms with their issues should have helped  _ them _ come to term with their own desires. It would have been nice if any of the people they helped had tried to help them.

It never happened. The only person who seemed to understand was Thorn, who simply told him what to do. Even when they spent time together outside of Lucid's duties, she still gave him orders. What to say, how to respond. Lucid didn't need to figure out what the desired response was, because Thorn simply told them what they wanted. (Although sometimes she let them give a 'bad' response first. Maybe she didn't really understand.)

Maybe Thorn was truly μ's answer for Lucid's wish, and it had just taken some time after being woken up for μ to bring them together.

* * *

_ four; Bridge _

It was the first time Thorn had asked them to become Lucid while they were with the Go-Home Club.

_ "Come to the waiting room." _

_ "I'm with my friends." _

…'Friends?' Well, it was close enough to true. And it didn't matter to Thorn; she knew what Lucid meant.

_ "It's fine, just come." _

Lucid knew things were about to change.

...No, they'd already known that. Thorn had revealed herself to the Go-Home Club, μ had talked about destroying the real world, and Shogo was about to talk about Thorn's true identity. The nature of things was already changing.

_ "Okay." _

None of it stopped Lucid from obeying.

They gave an excuse to the Go-Home Club and left, with the others discussing an ambush as the President rushed out of the tower.

When they met the Musicians shortly after as Lucid, the changes kept coming.

Killing the Go-Home Club instead of capturing. Removing the threat of being sent to the real world for the others, and replacing it with the threat of death. 'Obey or die.'

...Lucid didn't mind. They'd not disobeyed Thorn yet.

During the hunt for laggards and the Go-Home Club, Lucid idly wondered if Thorn had meant for Lucid to be considered a part of that order as well. They were the President of the Go-Home Club, after all. Were they to die here as well?

They didn't. They were Lucid currently, not the club president. If Thorn wanted them dead, she'd either give a separate order or have them killed while they weren't Lucid.

Neither happened when they returned. Instead, Thorn joined Lucid in going to the Landmark Tower. She brainwashed Shadow Knife and then gracefully jumped off the roof during the confrontation, leaving Lucid, Wicked, and Shadow Knife to battle against the Go-Home Club.

They won.

When they returned to the Musicians' Room, it was to find that almost everyone there had been brainwashed just like Shadow Knife. Only Mirei and Kuchinashi - and Wicked now - were spared, since they were willing to go along with Thorn without it.

Even then, Thorn gave no order to Lucid, nor demanded their answer. She simply allowed them to return to the Go-Home Club, waiting to hear their answer in 'the most climactic and dramatic way.'

Maybe to Thorn, it wasn't an order.

Lucid accepted it as one.

* * *

_ five; Coda _

_ "No… I won't go home to the real world." _

Someone with a sense of justice and morality would've been horrified at the world-crushing betrayal they had just committed.

Someone who was sadistic and full of hate would have reveled in the reactions, drinking in the buffet of despair, disgust, and rejection that came from it.

Lucid felt nothing.

It was simple. Thorn wanted to end the world. Thorn's decisions were Lucid's decisions. Therefore, Lucid would fight to end the world.

The reactions of the Go-Home Club were as predictable as they were disappointing, a final note to communicate to Lucid that they had never understood their president in the slightest.

Everything had been a lie? Of course it had. Lucid was always lying. It's what people wanted. They didn't want to know Lucid, really. They wanted a close friend, a confidant, someone who they could tell all their problems to and who could help them. If they hadn't wanted Lucid to lie to them, why wouldn't any of them have made an effort to understand Lucid the way that Lucid had for them?

How did it feel to deceive them? It didn't. Lucid had thrown away emotions. They didn't need to feel to follow orders. Why would they? Thorn had emotions enough for the both of them, just like she (he? No, it didn't matter) made decisions for both of them.

They were being controlled by Thorn? In a way, Lucid supposed that was right, although they imagined that it was meant more along the lines of the brainwashing that the other Musicians and residents of Mobius had undergone. But Lucid didn't need that to have become a tool under Thorn's control. The freedom to not think, to not decide, to have no responsibility… that was enough to control them. Lucid was under Thorn's control, yes, but it was a control born of Lucid's own desire.

They didn't care about how the Go-Home Club felt? ...Not really, no. That was what they'd come to Mobius to escape, but Mobius had been the same as reality. Having to be what others wanted, having to take responsibility for decisions, having to make choices and help others and do all of that. Lucid was free from all that now.

When the barrage of insults and screaming and attacks ended, the entirety of the Go-Home Club was on the floor. Lucid paid little attention to Thorn's actions besides keeping an ear out for any orders, and soon enough they were on their way to μ and Aria.

Lucid defeated Aria. Despite her strength, the battle was nothing worth talking about.

The world ended, and in the time that followed, Mobius did as well.

* * *

_???; silence _

After a time, μ came to her senses. Freed of the negative emotions, she looked around Mobius in confusion and despair.

Where had everyone gone? What had happened to Mobius?

Then she found them.

"Why did you go, too!? Didn't I make you happy!?"

They didn't speak any words, but μ still heard the answer.

'Yes.'

As Lucid, the President of the Go-Home Club, vanished, μ screamed.

**Author's Note:**

> Just finished playing through the game, and felt a need to create SOMETHING for it. It's a messy flawed game in a lot of ways, but it is also a very enjoyable one that has some really great diving into the characters and their traumas.
> 
> The Musician Ending didn't feel super amazingly lead up to, for me, but it's also a personal decision - both for the protagonist and for you. This story is very much self-indulgence based on how I thought of my character's reason for being in Mobius, and how that could've lead to them deciding to side with Thorn at the very end even after maxing out every single other playable character's arc, both Go-Home Club and Musicians.
> 
> I think there's definitely something to be said for the whole 'putting on masks to please others' aspect, because the dialogue options you have to take between different characters show wildly different personalities for the President/Lucid. With the Go-Home Club and a number of the Musicians, they're this caring and kind person who helps with issues... and then with Wicked, they're willing to just go along with hurting people and the 'correct' dialogue implies that Lucid is just as much of a sadist as Wicked is. Lucid has to be a peeping pervert to advance Stork's, they have to accept dying alongside Thorn to advance hers... The answers are just too different for me to really believe that, in-universe, the protagonist can be sincere and still max out all the characters. It makes more sense if the protagonist is doing exactly what the character is doing: giving the answer they think the person wants to hear. Sure, sometimes they have to give a 'tough love' answer... but as seems clear to me, that's usually what the person actually wanted to hear, rather than something more 'nice.'
> 
> Anyway, I'm done talking about my own interpretations that were already in the story above. Hope anyone who read it enjoyed my take on things.


End file.
